I usually write the blog on Sunday morning, so this is a departure. Just back from morning practice on the track, under the lights, at 6 am. I always love that moment when the lights flicker on at 5:50, bathing the blue track in illumination, even as everything all around us is pitch black. There's a feeling of purpose, knowing the rest of the world is sleeping while the teams do the hard work that wins championships. Sunrise is anticlimactic, beautiful as it might be. By then, everyone's pushing through their last rep and heading for the showers. Excellent way to start this new week.
Big writing day ahead. I've been writing quite a bit in the last couple weeks, as many as 2500 words a day. Which is not a lot if I'm banging out emails, but 2500 intentional, highly-edited words is a brain drain.
So in the absence of writing the blog, taking yesterday off completely was restorative. I rode the Peloton, went to church, lunched at the local, where I lingered to be in the presence of people, then came home to read and watch TV.
All the while I tried to put Saturday's racing out of my mind. Though two of my runners ran amazingly at Orange County Championships, the rest of the teams looked lost. It's my habit to break down statistics for hours after a race but a cursory glance was all I needed this weekend. Better to put that one behind us and focus on the future. I had a little tantrum when the racing was done, for which I apologized under the floodlights this morning. Ten years ago I would have let the rage roil and boil for another week or so. Now I prefer to make my point and get on with the relationship in a positive manner. My teams know I love them. I say it all the time.
I kind of glossed over that church mention from yesterday. I actually didn't want to go. I've gotten out of the habit. I pray all the time but the idea of showering, getting dressed, then driving to church and being around people does not fill me with enthusiasm. The worship music goes on too long, I get extremely judgey about the delivery of the message, and when the musicians come back for a few more songs at the end I slip out before it's all over. Not very reverent of me. It's just as bad if I go to Mass. "The Mass is ended. Go in peace," used to be the end of it all. Now it seems there's a new long prayer and even more music. And, to be honest, I'm not used to doing church alone. Forty years of standing next to someone special as the service unfolds can spoil a guy.
I went anyway. Took a shower, shaved, threw on some nice clothes. On at least three occasions, I almost turned the Rover around and headed to brunch. But something told me I needed to be around people as I got my dose of spirituality. I parked. Walked through the crowd gathered out front, then made my way inside. Fighting one last urge to flee, I sat in the spot where I tend to sit (right side, aisle, close to the back), then just felt nothing but alone. Halfway through the second or third worship song I felt a hand on my arm. It was an old friend. "I've been looking for you," he said, careful not to talk over the music. "Have you been coming?"
"No," I said.
"You sleeping?"
"Ah. You know."
He slid into the seat next to me. His wife left him a few years ago. It turned out the recent fires in Orange County forced him to abandon his home. He'd slept the previous night in an evacuation center. I was glad he found me. So we sat through the message, which was perhaps the most timely sermon I'd ever heard, about the importance of doing church with other people rather than staying home on Sunday because it's a hassle to go to church. Something about how we need other people, as uncomfortable as it might be.
I stayed for the whole thing, last couple worship songs and all. Caught up with my buddy afterward, feeling like it was predestined that we found each other. We said our goodbyes, two solitary guys who know exactly the battles the other one is enduring.
The thing is, if I'd written the blog yesterday I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gone to church, to hear a message I really needed to hear, and bumped into a friend I really needed to see. And also, of course, the Packers won. Quite a Sunday, indeed.